WHOA WHOA WHOA. That is… shocking news. I mean, really knocked the Karin Herzog right outta me.
Just gotta regroup, inhale a big breath of fresh Karin Herzog and study up on my O2 facts because everything I learned in school was apparently a LIE perpetrated by BigSchool and its deep pockets and Oxygen Agendas….
I’m sorry, she’s gorgeous but this ad CRACKS ME UP every time I see it. She just looks like she has severe mental problems and is trying to eat a glass bottle of perfume. I keep imagining the director just out of frame yelling, “Oh, not again…Keira, NO! Just hold it! Hold it up, sweetheart. No… no take it out of your mouth, honey! It’s glass. It’s bad for you. Yes I know it’s shiny, but— No!… Jesus Christ.”
I have never done, and will never do, hallucinogenic drugs of any kind*, for fear that they will turn everything around me into a waking nightmare. But that said… WHAT IS THE POINT if pizza places are going to shove this empty-eyed demon in my face when I’m stone cold sober? And those ellipses after the “motto”? JESUS. This entire image could easily double as the VHS cover of a forgotten 80s horror movie, tagline and all.
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*Except for the time I took an Ambien instead of my thyroid medication at 9am and didn’t realize it til noon, when I found myself talking to a shimmying Elvis Costello poster on my bedroom wall.
What a weird way to phrase that, Barnes + Noble. Wishful thinking? Spiritual proclamation? Or perhaps just willful disregard for the laws of physics, the theory of gravity and the tenacious, unbreakable human ability to be seated as frequently as possible.
(but seriously, readers lounging in the aisles… there is a cafe ten yards away, and a chair two feet from your gangly outstretched limbs. Move it.)
My mother has been cleaning out the garage, and decided to give me back this drawing I gave to HER as a child. Not sure exactly why she is giving it to me now, but my best guess is that it’s probably because it is NIGHTMARE-INDUCING IN BOTH IMAGE AND CONTENT, and she wants it the hell out of her house.
Highlights:
1) The drawing itself, of my mother in multi-colored pants, filled with terrifying circular and egg-shaped bones.
2) In school we have been “TALKING” about bones. Not learning about them. Talking about them.
I just watched this for the approximately 147th time and apparently will never, ever tire of it. The show was terrible, but this is one of my favorite clips of anything, ever.
I like that the Today Show went with the brave, unusual stance of talking about how GROSS life-threatening medical emergencies are. Doesn’t get said enough, you guys. Doesn’t get said enough.
Really? OK. That DJ may need to “face the music” but someone needs to do an intervention on YOU, Mr. Intervention Synopsis Writer With An Inappropriate Love Of Puns.
